Before and During: Bathing Suit

 I was going to post this for Transformation Tuesday, but I could not wait that long. Ha! The before picture popped up on my “On This Day” feature of my FB. The before picture I was actually young. I was 19? I had no body shape except round. No curves and I was the same size all around. 

  When I am hard on myself and I think that I am not good enough..I always look at past pictures of myself. I have accomplished so much. I need to stop being so hard on myself when I step on the scale. The scale is not always accurate. I could be gaining muscle. I just need to keep going.

Have a safe and fun MDW.


Confidence in a Bathing Suit

Summer is approaching and pools are opening. The beach is packed due to MDW. Here I was freaking out, because I have not found my dream bathing suit yet.

  I posted a before shot of myself a few posts ago and I was in a bikini. I don’t think that is the right swim suit choice for myself. My body type is just not a bikini type of gal. 

 So, I went to the mall yesterday and was trying to figure out what kind of bathing suit should I purchase. There are so many styles that it is overwhelming.

 So many types and how do you know which one makes you feel comfortable and confident? Well, you need to suck it up and not be afraid to get out of your comfort zone. I know that is hard but you need to be adventures. Just pull it off the rack and try it on. It is only you inside that dressing room. Who cares, right?

  I went into the clothing store Torrid last night. I used to shop there all the time and I sort of forgot about the place. I forgot that the store caters to the traditional woman. You know, with curves and no thigh gap?

 I was hesitant at first because shopping there reminded me of being my 235 pound self. I was a size 4 in that store due to my size. What I noticed now, I am a size 1 on top and a size 2 on bottomed. That is a huge accomplishment and I should be proud of that. It means I have a body shape. My body shape was the same size bottom and top in the past.

  I was in the store for a long time. I had to pull different sizes and different styles. It was so over whelming. When I first went to the dressing room I had 18 items in my hand. The employee at Torrid let me in the dressing room with all of the items because my purse was tiny and I was wearing shorts/t-shirt. How could I stash anything? The employees were very nice and accommodating to my needs.

  It was a rough process trying to figure out my style. I learned quickly I am not a one piece type of gal. I looked and felt like my younger self a bad way. I feel like a little girl..which nothing screams sexy or confident when a woman feels like a six or eight year old girl.


  A tankini type bathing suit was what I always went towards. They are easy because you put on a pair of shorts and you are ready to go. I didn’t want to fall back to the same bathing suit. Plus, they are really not in style now.

 What could show my age but not make me feel like a grandmom? What would give me the confidence to show off my curves but not feel self conscious? 

 BAM! Never in my wildest dreams would I purchase a bathing suit like this. First, it is a skirt based bathing suit. I always though skirts were for housewives who popped three children out. (Sorry, if you wear a skirt! =P) I also never though a built in bra would be comfortable in a bathing suit. It does not dig into my body and it is very comfortable.

 The bathing suit is two pieces. I can show some of my skin if I wish but I love how it looks like a dress. 

 So, I thought bathing suit shopping was going to be a disaster. I thought I was going to leave the store with nothing and feeling defeated. I was wrong! I feel confident, sexy, and I can not wait to wear my bathing suit somewhere.

What type of styles do you guys like? What fears do you have? What works for you to get over the fears! Comment below and let me know. =)

I am Sorry, Bob Harper!

Day 3 and I am jello. I feel like I have no bones or muscles and that my body is just moving along like one big slinky. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy feeling sore because it means I am doing something right. I have not felt this soreness in months..maybe in a year.

I do hate starting over. I used to be the squat queen. I could get low and stay there for minutes. I used to do pylo squats like a beast. Now, I feel every muscle in my body shake like crazy when I squat and I am not even that low. It is nuts how stopping makes you weaker.

 This is a eye opener for not stopping. I don’t think I gave up. I got busy and made excuses. Excuses should be stopped..but..I AM SORRY, BOB HARPER!

 God..these past two workouts have killed me! Your workout DVDs are brutal to someone who has stopped working out as much as I used to. I am sorry we broke up..I really am. Now I can back and now you are making me suffer and a good way.

If you do not know because you are new to my blog or living under a rock…I am a huge Bob Harper fan. Bob Harper is from the Biggest Loser. Back in 2012 when I started to lose weight, I did nothing bug read his books and so his workout DVDs. In 2013, I met him when I appeared on the Rachael Ray Show.

 I find him to be motivating without being scary. Some workout DVDs are just scary to me. They do not start off slow..and a lot of them do not welcome beginners. If you are interested in trying him out, I recommend starting with The Biggest Loser based workouts. They are very welcoming. Also, pick up his book The Skinny Rules; this book has a lot of helpful tips.

So, sorry Bob. I am back. Please help me be strong again.


Swim Suit Before Shots

I am back at it. has only been day two but a I feel so charged and better. Today, I think I over did it. I did one of my Bob Harper DVDs and of course I was feeling daring and didn’t do a Biggest Loser one..I did the extreme Weightloss one. legs are going to be jello.

Summer is approaching..even though it does not feel like it. Bathing suits have always been a struggle for me. I still have the one that I love from a few summers ago. I can wear it but I do wish to sculpt my body more to feel truly confident. I decided to use it as a motivation set of pictures!

I took these pictures yesterday. Again, I see nothing wrong with wearing this in public. I would like to get my stomach a little flatter. This is a lesson to you all..this is what snacking, wine, and craft beer does to your stomach. I have abused my body for too long and I am going to stop. 

I need to drink more water. It is hard for me to actually drink more than a one glass or bottle a day. I used to drink it like a fish but now I find myself only drinking it when I teach. So I will consume more water. When I am finished this post I am going to go for my second bottle.

 This meme doesn’t have to be true. Maybe , I need a better outlook on life? Get my life together? What awaits for me if I actually care about my body? Maybe a great story will come about this change? Nothing wrong with drinking socially or in moderation but drinking alone to help with stress is not the answer. If I feel stressed I need to find other ways to cope with it. 

So here is a new outlook. I am ready. I am tired of excuses. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself. I did this once and I can do it again.


Get Out of This Rut does not go the way you thought it would go. Sometimes you have timelines and ideas but you soon realize they were only a concept. You thought you were happy but in the long run you realize nothing has changed and you have to make a change or else you will be unhappy. Life is too short to be unhappy.

 Anyway, the last couple months I was filled with stress and emotions. I still feel some of this but things are getting better. In the last couple of months I have gained weight, snacked my life away, and have been drinking a lot.

My Timehop actually motivated me this morning. 

This side by side motivated me because I do not want to be the person on the left hand side. I was so unhealthy on the left hand side. I had not confidence because I could not wear the clothes I wanted. I ate what I want and drank what I wanted..but I was slowly killing myself. I was 232 lbs.

   I am afraid I will go back to this path. I am falling into old habits hard. I am not working out, I am drinking a lot (even by myself) and I am snacking on foods like sweets and chips. I am enough is enough.

 I decided to put on workout clothes and hit the gym. Normally, the last couple of month; I would have just sat at home on a day off. I decided to put on my new sneakers and workout tank top and go to the gym.

It was rough go do this machine for a hour. I was not used to it, but I did it. I also decided to use weighs today too.

 I was in a better mood after working out today. I have been feeling moody and foggy lately but working out put me in a better mood.

 What I need to do is treat the gym like it is my job. I need to make a schedule and stick to it. If I do not clock in, then I need to act like I am got to get fired. I need to change things with working out.

 I need to change things with snacking. I am snacking of things that are normal but then I will go through the fridge and try to eat things that shouldn’t be smacked on like bread or cheese.

 I also have been drinking a lot. I used to be a social drinker but now I find myself drinking alone. This is not healthy. I used to not drink at home either. This needs to stop.

I am going to change. This has been going on for too long. I need to be healthy again.