Stressed Out 

 

 I am sorry I have not updated in a while. To be honest, nothing exciting has happened with my weight or workouts. Like I stated before I feel to exhausted to work out. I know that is not an excuse but I feel stressed out and I feel exhausted due to it. I find myself binge eating for I am stressed and I am a little depressed.

  The last couple weeks have not been so hot at work. I just want to teach. I have worked so hard to come this far and I am being slammed into a brick wall. Some jobs the kids are so disrespectful and I find myself controlling to get my respect from them rather than getting a lesson done. 

 One time I made a class write the classroom rules twenty times and when they were done they could go to recess. The other day I had to kick kids out of the room because they were so disrespectful. I never kicked kids out before. I was in a reading class and I am teaching it in college in the fall!! I was so excited until I found myself correcting them and kicking them out rather than teaching. It was a waste of a day. 

 Also, it is not the kids but the faculty. Not all schools but some schools the faculty will not even acknowledge my existence. When I need something or help I am treated like dirt. 

  Today I was just a body in a class room because they needed a certified person for the student teacher. Student teacher did not care how the students treated me and reprimanded me for trying to correct a disrespectful child. The child was disrespectful towards me and she did nothing. Yes..she is just starting but she should understand that something should have been done. It pisses me off.

 

 I have good days. Just this week and a few days last week were the worst. Maybe the students need spring break or maybe the PARCC testing has made them antsy. Still. I feel stressed. 

 I just really care and I really want to teach. I feel I can really help the students and help the teachers but I am not receiving any respect. 

 I then feel panic that I am not going to recieve respect from my college students and faculty members. I start to feel anxiety that maybe I am doing the wrong thing..but then what would I do? Since I feel anxiety I eat. I eat ALOT. 

  I understand that everyday will not be great but I need to start picking jobs that do not make me want to hurl off a cliff. Let’s pray tomorrow is better.

 

 On a plus side I got my nails done yesterday. I have not gotten them done since two days before Feb 14. It was nice to do something for myself. I got them done for autism awareness month. It is next month!! Make sure to wear blue on April 2nd! 

-Jackie

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