Losing Weight is like a Roller Coaster

  Earlier in the summer I did a cleanse and it went well but it was not realistic. It was a quick fix. I have found that this weight loss journey is not like a hill or mountain. To be cliche, it is like roller coaster. There are ups and downs. Ups that are high and downs that go way low..or downs that are small with little ups. 

   

 
  When I started my weight loss journey in 2012…I was 232 lbs. I was “out of order” with my roller coaster until I decided to fix it. I joined Weight Watchers and did amazing Bob Harper DVDs. I was at a all time high and my roller coaster ride was going down..down…down which gave me a rush.

  
 A year later in 2013..I was at my lightest weight. I lost 80 lbs…I appeared on The Rachael Ray show, people were following my blog/social media..I seem to be this inspiration. People was so proud of me and wanted my advice. I had such confidence and motivation.
Then the roller coaster stopped going down and went up..up..up..

  2014 was a little rough with my stress level. Graduate school was kicking my butt where I was stressed with my master’s thesis. I received  a different position at my job which led people telling me all these different things but no one really helped me. My money was very thin and things were just uneasy.

 2015 happened and I graduated in January which was exciting but I left my job and started a new. Now I am employed at five different places. I am working my dream job next week as a English professor but the stress is crazy. 

  
 So..here I am now. Up 30 lbs. My roller coaster will not go down. I have found drinking and eating poorly has become a regular. My confidence in my appearance is going down and I am missing my rush.

  

 Why am I sharing this? I am not meaning to be a sob story. I do not want pity. I am here to show awareness. No one is perfect. I have an addicting personality. Food/drinking is like drugs to me. I did well and I relapsed. It is normal.

 Why am I really sharing this?

  I went to a clothing store today which I love. I am trying to buy clothes for work. I have to admit..the store is for junior sizes. Who cares? I have buying clothes from these guys for the last couple years. I put on a tank top and I could not get it off. It was a size L..and it was the tightest thing ever. I thought I was going to live inside this shirt for the rest of my life.

  I was in the dressing room for almost fifteen minutes trying to get this shirt off. I was tugging and pulling but could not pull it up over the girls. So I pulled down…which was worse! I finally got it off but it was embarrassing. In the process I tore the top. I could not believe how bad this has gotten…

  
 Enough is enough. I am tired of feeling this way. There is no excuse it got this far. Stress? Stress should not do this to me. I am about to start a new phase in my life and ai should be healthy and confident.

  So it is over. This party is done. No more eating out and drinking. No more mindless snacking. I need to get back to Insanity workouts and drinking lots of water. I need to count my points and not eat because I am bored and stressed.

This is done.

-Jackie 

 

Day Six on the Cleanse was Great!

  
 Yesterday was great. I could eat vegetables and it was nice to eat any veggie I want. I had a salad for breakfast which seemed sort of weird but I did it. Lunch I smacked on raw veggies since the salad filled me up. Also for dinner I had my one cup of rice and mixed it with grilled veggies. It was delicious. I did cheat last night when I went out to the bar with my friends. I had two beers in the span of four hours which does not seem bad. It did not make me feel bloated like usual but it made me EXTREMELY tired.

  Yesterday I took a walk. I have not really worked out this week. From my research they claim not to workout really hard on the diet because you will have a hard time regaining the calories you burned. They tell you to take of easy.

   
 Forgive the lanuage but this meme fits me perfectly. During this diet I have noticed my dreams have been extremely weird but realistic. Not sure if anyone else goes through this during a cleanse but it is strange. One night I dreamed that my friends sister called me to tell me she passed away…One night I had a dream I had Parkinson’s Disease and I literally dreamed I was lying there unable to move and heard people talk about me..and last night I dreamed that bugs were crawling all over me and that felt real!

  I find these dreams to be odd. I do not know if it has anything to do with the cleanse or if I am nervous/stressed for my first college course I am teaching starts in almost a month. Could be both? I never dream and these dreams were so specific I found it odd..

Today is the last day of the cleanse! I got this. I am shocked I did this and kept it up. I only cheated when I went to a bar. At home I did not eat junk or anything. I am proud of myself! =) I can not wait to eat meat tomorrow!!!!

-Jackie

Day Five on the Cleanse was Weird but Satisfying  

Yesterday was weird on the cleanse just like Tuesday. Yesterday I was allowed to consume a cup of rice and six tomatoes. After every tomatoe I had to drink a glass of water due to the acid. 

  
 I thought this was weird and this was more restrictive then Tuesday. I thought I was going to fail at this but I was surprised. I did not feel really hungry yesterday except the end of my shift at work. Other then that I was satisfied through out the day. Drinking the water after my tomatoe filled me up and I did not have weird cravings. 

  
 I am having cravings of meat though. The GM version I am doing does not allow any meat. I am craving it like crazy. The last meat product I ate was maybe chicken a week ago? I had crab on Friday but I do not count fish. I am going to a BBQ on Saturday and I can not wait to eat meat..That is weird to look forward to. Not my family or spending the time with them..I want to eat meat. This diet is weird..

-Jackie 

Day Four on the Cleanse was…Weird

  
 The cleanse got weird yesterday. All I could have was bananas, milk, and yogurt. I can not eat bananas due to a oral allergic reaction so I changed it to avocados. The avocados were good but I did not eat many because of the high fat and they are high in Weight Watched points.

 It was amazing to have a glass of milk.  I was allowed three or yogurt. So I had a glass of milk for breakfast. It tasted so freakin good. It was insane. I then had yogurt two times during the day and that was amazing too. 

 My problem was when I had cravings I could not snack on anything. The couple days before this I could snack on fruit or veggies to get my mind of snacks. Yesterday I was so limited with food I did not know what to do. It was weird..

…And today is weirder. Today I can only have tomatoes and a cup of rice. It is going to be a weird day..

-Jackie

Day Two on the Cleanse..Not so Much

  
 Yesterday was rough! The first day and yesterday morning went so well during my cleanse. I was happy and feeling great. Then 2-3pm yesterday hit and everything changed. I was moody, I had headaches, and my stomach was hungry. It seemed no matter how many vegetables I shoved into my face I could not statisfy my hunger. 

  
 For some reason the veggies were not doing anything for me. I also felt like I was going through some kind of with draw. Many from all the sugar and crap I had been eating? Maybe my body needed more crabs..I have no idea. Yesterday was rough and from what I read day two is the hardest out of all the days. Were they right!

 I did not cheat once yesterday. I was very tempted to forget and have a turkey burger or eat the bag of chips. I did not! 

  
 I am just so happy today is here. I can have fruits and veggies now. I love my fruits. I feel like I can reward myself with a piece of fruit. Let’s hope today is better.

-Jackie

Weekends are a Struggle

The weekend is my enemy. As much as I love not going to work I feel as if I slack on the weekends with clean eating. Yes, I do workout because I feel I have the time but I always find food kills me. I also feel I have programmed this thought in my mind where the weekend means I can “cheat” and it is terrible. 
 Not only this but there are SO many events on the weekend for me. Parties, going out to bars and restaurants, and ect. Last night I went out with my girlfriends. We went out to eat first. I got a egg white feta and spinach omelette, tomatoes, and three small sausages. I was so proud of my food choice. I never seem to make good choices when I go out to eat. I did last night. Granted..I did have two tequila Sprites and some weird (but delicious) alcoholic pudding at the bar. I still was proud I controlled myself.
   

  Tonight I am going out with Brian. We decided Saladworks and I planned my meals ahead of time. We are going to the drive-in to see two movies and we are not getting food there. Usually, I will get food there but it is all so bad for you. I feel I am doing the right thing for tonight. So proud of myself.
 Tomorrow should be fine too. Nothing crazy will happen tomorrow. I should be fine if I plan accordingly. I enjoy doing Jumpstart to Skinny. I did cheat with having a drink but I feel I am excelling in everything else.
   

-Jackie