Long Time No See..

This month has been rather crazy and I have not updated in a while. Since the start of the month I have been teaching the college level at two schools.

  
 It has been a lot of work but I love it. I teach three Comp 102 courses at one school and a Reading course at the other. My Comp class is great. I feel so prepared and I feel like I am actually teaching the students. They are learning.

 Reading has been stressing me out. It is a remedial course and it is really tough to teach basics to new college students. I feel like I bomb every class. Since this stresses me out I am snacking again and I am too exhausted to workout.

 I have lost weight though. I think it is due to the stress. I think my stronger qualities is to teach writing and not reading comprehension. I then got a email today saying I am being observed for my reading course and I bombed badly Monday and Wednesday this week.

 So right now I am eating ice cream and drinking wine. Yup..unhealthy but I am stressed.
  

Welcome to being an adult where I suck at adulting. 
-Jackie

Losing Weight is like a Roller Coaster

  Earlier in the summer I did a cleanse and it went well but it was not realistic. It was a quick fix. I have found that this weight loss journey is not like a hill or mountain. To be cliche, it is like roller coaster. There are ups and downs. Ups that are high and downs that go way low..or downs that are small with little ups. 

   

 
  When I started my weight loss journey in 2012…I was 232 lbs. I was “out of order” with my roller coaster until I decided to fix it. I joined Weight Watchers and did amazing Bob Harper DVDs. I was at a all time high and my roller coaster ride was going down..down…down which gave me a rush.

  
 A year later in 2013..I was at my lightest weight. I lost 80 lbs…I appeared on The Rachael Ray show, people were following my blog/social media..I seem to be this inspiration. People was so proud of me and wanted my advice. I had such confidence and motivation.
Then the roller coaster stopped going down and went up..up..up..

  2014 was a little rough with my stress level. Graduate school was kicking my butt where I was stressed with my master’s thesis. I received  a different position at my job which led people telling me all these different things but no one really helped me. My money was very thin and things were just uneasy.

 2015 happened and I graduated in January which was exciting but I left my job and started a new. Now I am employed at five different places. I am working my dream job next week as a English professor but the stress is crazy. 

  
 So..here I am now. Up 30 lbs. My roller coaster will not go down. I have found drinking and eating poorly has become a regular. My confidence in my appearance is going down and I am missing my rush.

  

 Why am I sharing this? I am not meaning to be a sob story. I do not want pity. I am here to show awareness. No one is perfect. I have an addicting personality. Food/drinking is like drugs to me. I did well and I relapsed. It is normal.

 Why am I really sharing this?

  I went to a clothing store today which I love. I am trying to buy clothes for work. I have to admit..the store is for junior sizes. Who cares? I have buying clothes from these guys for the last couple years. I put on a tank top and I could not get it off. It was a size L..and it was the tightest thing ever. I thought I was going to live inside this shirt for the rest of my life.

  I was in the dressing room for almost fifteen minutes trying to get this shirt off. I was tugging and pulling but could not pull it up over the girls. So I pulled down…which was worse! I finally got it off but it was embarrassing. In the process I tore the top. I could not believe how bad this has gotten…

  
 Enough is enough. I am tired of feeling this way. There is no excuse it got this far. Stress? Stress should not do this to me. I am about to start a new phase in my life and ai should be healthy and confident.

  So it is over. This party is done. No more eating out and drinking. No more mindless snacking. I need to get back to Insanity workouts and drinking lots of water. I need to count my points and not eat because I am bored and stressed.

This is done.

-Jackie 

 

Day Six on the Cleanse was Great!

  
 Yesterday was great. I could eat vegetables and it was nice to eat any veggie I want. I had a salad for breakfast which seemed sort of weird but I did it. Lunch I smacked on raw veggies since the salad filled me up. Also for dinner I had my one cup of rice and mixed it with grilled veggies. It was delicious. I did cheat last night when I went out to the bar with my friends. I had two beers in the span of four hours which does not seem bad. It did not make me feel bloated like usual but it made me EXTREMELY tired.

  Yesterday I took a walk. I have not really worked out this week. From my research they claim not to workout really hard on the diet because you will have a hard time regaining the calories you burned. They tell you to take of easy.

   
 Forgive the lanuage but this meme fits me perfectly. During this diet I have noticed my dreams have been extremely weird but realistic. Not sure if anyone else goes through this during a cleanse but it is strange. One night I dreamed that my friends sister called me to tell me she passed away…One night I had a dream I had Parkinson’s Disease and I literally dreamed I was lying there unable to move and heard people talk about me..and last night I dreamed that bugs were crawling all over me and that felt real!

  I find these dreams to be odd. I do not know if it has anything to do with the cleanse or if I am nervous/stressed for my first college course I am teaching starts in almost a month. Could be both? I never dream and these dreams were so specific I found it odd..

Today is the last day of the cleanse! I got this. I am shocked I did this and kept it up. I only cheated when I went to a bar. At home I did not eat junk or anything. I am proud of myself! =) I can not wait to eat meat tomorrow!!!!

-Jackie

Day Three on the Cleanse Went..Okay

  Yesterday was fine. It was better then day two. I got to eat fruit and vegetables together which was nice to switch off to different things. I did notice that yesterday was the first time I wanted to devour something and I had weird cravings like cheese. At work they had cup cakes and asked me if I wanted to order lunch but I did not give in. I had a goal today and I stuck to it.

  
 Yesterday I found if I did not keep drinking water I was exhausted. So I kept hydrated during the day. I did not get head aches or anything like day two. I feel day three went okay. I was not jumping for joy eating all the fruits and veggies again but I am nothing somethings…

It is “cleaning out my system..if you know what I mean…

My stomach does not feel bloated and I do feel lighter. 

I am noticing my skin is clearing. I have   psoriasis and it is clearing on my knees and hip since the cleanse.

I actually love water and I am drinking it more. I usually never drink water and I feel this cleanse is helping me.
 Today may be weird. I have to eat bananas, milk, and yogurt. I can not eat bananas for I have a oral allergic reaction so I am eating avocados. I was excited to drink a glass of milk. We shall see how the rest of this day goes…
-Jackkd

1 Week Cleanse Diet

If all of you know I am very disappointed in how I gained weight. My healthy habits are gone and I feel like I need to jump start once again. I did well before going to California but I  could have even done better.

So..I found this cleanse on Pinterest..

  
After reading this you may think I am crazy or that this is not healthy. I am only doing this for one week. Also..you may think that once I eat normal again I will gain the weight again. You are correct but I am not doing this because of the weight loss..yes I want go lose weight but that is not what I am doing for this week.

 For the week I am trying to embrace my idea of fruits and vegetables..staying out of the cabinet where the carbs and junk food is. I am trying to get into the habit to eat veggies and fruit when I am feeling hungry. So yes..after the next week I may gain weight again but I hope to gain my healthy habits again.

So wish me luck..call me crazy..and forgive for the things I say this week.
-Jackie

A Much Needed Update

I have not updated on here in a while. I apologize for this. The last couple of weeks in June were crazy. I was working multiple jobs and I traveled to California with Brian and his family. 

   
    
   
 I never been to California before and it was truly amazing. We went to Scaramento, Chico, San Fransisco, LA, Culver City, and San Dieago. I did a lot of walking and even went on a hike. While I was out there I even got to see my twin brother who moved out there a few months ago.

  
 Before I went there I was 170 lbs. I was so happy about my accomplishments before going. Well..this trip was designed for going to different breweries and of course you eat poorly..then Fourth of July weekend happened. When I weighed myself today..I am 181 lbs. ugh…I am so annoyed with myself.

 All I can do is try to get back on track. I worked out today and ate healthy. I am just annoyed of this constant struggle. I do not plan on going anywhere else this summer and if I do it is like a night or two stay.

I need to stay focused..
-Jackie

Transformation Tuesday: Last Five Years

 
 I felt I should share this picture. Not only have I lost weight in the last five years but many things have happened.  I grew up. 

  The 2010 me was awkward. I could not find a hair style I liked or I had no clue how to put make up on. In 2010 I was going to a community college about to go to a University to recieve a BA. Now I have a MA and will teach college in the fall. 2010 my confidence was no existing and I did not leave my comfort zone. 

 A lot has changed besides appearance. I felt I should share.
-Jackie