Earlier in the summer I did a cleanse and it went well but it was not realistic. It was a quick fix. I have found that this weight loss journey is not like a hill or mountain. To be cliche, it is like roller coaster. There are ups and downs. Ups that are high and downs that go way low..or downs that are small with little ups.
When I started my weight loss journey in 2012…I was 232 lbs. I was “out of order” with my roller coaster until I decided to fix it. I joined Weight Watchers and did amazing Bob Harper DVDs. I was at a all time high and my roller coaster ride was going down..down…down which gave me a rush.
A year later in 2013..I was at my lightest weight. I lost 80 lbs…I appeared on The Rachael Ray show, people were following my blog/social media..I seem to be this inspiration. People was so proud of me and wanted my advice. I had such confidence and motivation.
Then the roller coaster stopped going down and went up..up..up..
2014 was a little rough with my stress level. Graduate school was kicking my butt where I was stressed with my master’s thesis. I received a different position at my job which led people telling me all these different things but no one really helped me. My money was very thin and things were just uneasy.
2015 happened and I graduated in January which was exciting but I left my job and started a new. Now I am employed at five different places. I am working my dream job next week as a English professor but the stress is crazy.
So..here I am now. Up 30 lbs. My roller coaster will not go down. I have found drinking and eating poorly has become a regular. My confidence in my appearance is going down and I am missing my rush.
Why am I sharing this? I am not meaning to be a sob story. I do not want pity. I am here to show awareness. No one is perfect. I have an addicting personality. Food/drinking is like drugs to me. I did well and I relapsed. It is normal.
Why am I really sharing this?
I went to a clothing store today which I love. I am trying to buy clothes for work. I have to admit..the store is for junior sizes. Who cares? I have buying clothes from these guys for the last couple years. I put on a tank top and I could not get it off. It was a size L..and it was the tightest thing ever. I thought I was going to live inside this shirt for the rest of my life.
I was in the dressing room for almost fifteen minutes trying to get this shirt off. I was tugging and pulling but could not pull it up over the girls. So I pulled down…which was worse! I finally got it off but it was embarrassing. In the process I tore the top. I could not believe how bad this has gotten…
Enough is enough. I am tired of feeling this way. There is no excuse it got this far. Stress? Stress should not do this to me. I am about to start a new phase in my life and ai should be healthy and confident.
So it is over. This party is done. No more eating out and drinking. No more mindless snacking. I need to get back to Insanity workouts and drinking lots of water. I need to count my points and not eat because I am bored and stressed.
This is done.