Stressed Out 


 I am sorry I have not updated in a while. To be honest, nothing exciting has happened with my weight or workouts. Like I stated before I feel to exhausted to work out. I know that is not an excuse but I feel stressed out and I feel exhausted due to it. I find myself binge eating for I am stressed and I am a little depressed.

  The last couple weeks have not been so hot at work. I just want to teach. I have worked so hard to come this far and I am being slammed into a brick wall. Some jobs the kids are so disrespectful and I find myself controlling to get my respect from them rather than getting a lesson done. 

 One time I made a class write the classroom rules twenty times and when they were done they could go to recess. The other day I had to kick kids out of the room because they were so disrespectful. I never kicked kids out before. I was in a reading class and I am teaching it in college in the fall!! I was so excited until I found myself correcting them and kicking them out rather than teaching. It was a waste of a day. 

 Also, it is not the kids but the faculty. Not all schools but some schools the faculty will not even acknowledge my existence. When I need something or help I am treated like dirt. 

  Today I was just a body in a class room because they needed a certified person for the student teacher. Student teacher did not care how the students treated me and reprimanded me for trying to correct a disrespectful child. The child was disrespectful towards me and she did nothing. Yes..she is just starting but she should understand that something should have been done. It pisses me off.


 I have good days. Just this week and a few days last week were the worst. Maybe the students need spring break or maybe the PARCC testing has made them antsy. Still. I feel stressed. 

 I just really care and I really want to teach. I feel I can really help the students and help the teachers but I am not receiving any respect. 

 I then feel panic that I am not going to recieve respect from my college students and faculty members. I start to feel anxiety that maybe I am doing the wrong thing..but then what would I do? Since I feel anxiety I eat. I eat ALOT. 

  I understand that everyday will not be great but I need to start picking jobs that do not make me want to hurl off a cliff. Let’s pray tomorrow is better.


 On a plus side I got my nails done yesterday. I have not gotten them done since two days before Feb 14. It was nice to do something for myself. I got them done for autism awareness month. It is next month!! Make sure to wear blue on April 2nd! 


Do I Have to Adult? It is Hard to Stay Healthy When I Adult..

 So I feel like an adult. Finally. I am working long hours, doing hard work that is physical and mentally draining, being underpaid, and feeling like I am doing adult things. If you do not know I am a substitute teacher right now. I work all over my area in all different grades. I love high school but I feel like I am actually teaching with the younger grades..Also, I was hired to teach a college course in the fall.

 I am excited! Finally, my hard work is paying off. I am also nervous. Not only the stress that is coming my way with lesson plans, teaching, and grading but I am nervous about my healthy life style.

 As I work as a substitute I am learning the job is touch. I love it but it is not a easy job. I also take my job seriously. I am not a sub that sits there while the kids work on a worksheet. I will never sit there with my face in a book. That is not me. But the job is a lot.

   Example: Thursday..I was on my feet from 8:00-10:15 to 10:55-3:30. It was insane. My feet, back, and knees were killing me. I usually do an insanity class at my gym but I skipped it. I could not even sit in a chair let alone do a plank or burpee. This type of feeling makes me nervous. I do not want to skip workouts but if my job is making me feel awful then how can I work out? 

  I do want a Fitbit. I would really like to know how many steps I do with my new line of work. I think that would be very interesting to see. I really need to get used of feeling this way. My other line of thinking is I may need better shoes. I have worked with this company for subbing for almost a month and have not gotten paid yet though..Once I get paid then maybe things will change.


 Being an adult is hard but this is what I worked for. I worked so hard to be a college professor and I am finally here. My course is in the fall and things will be awesome! In the mean time I need to sub five days a week and work at a testing center at a local community college. I just need to keep in the mind set that being an adult is something we can not control. It is going to happen to everyone. You just need to keep a healthy mind set.

How can I not have a great mind set? Everything is coming up Jackie. =)


Transformation Tuesday: Careers

I am so excited with how things are going for my career. Right now I am getting my foot into the door with teaching experience as a substitute teacher….but yesterday was a step in the direction I wanted.

  I just recirved a teaching position as a professor at a local community college. I am so excited for this is what I want to do. I have worked so hard during my school career to get this far. I am beyond words. I am teaching Fall 2015 with a intense 10 week course that is covering the topic of reading. My course is for students who do not pass the placement test. So I REALLY want to make these students engaged and interested for most of them will be first semester students.

 I am so excited and happy.

 So my Transformation Tuesday is a before and after of careers. In 2006 I worked at my first job which was a skating rink. I was over 200 lbs and I remember being teased by my coworkers because of  this. Granted, I was a junior in high school and they were  younger then me. It was basically babies working for this company. 

 My second picture is what I wore for my job interview and a possible outfit for my college teaching career. I am so excited for this opportunity.

 If you work hard enough and stay postive you can do anything. =)


Just a Update for I am Bored & it is a Snow Day

  I hate winter. I mainly hate it for ever since I lost all this weight I am always freezing.  I hate snow. I find it dangerous to walk or drive in and it is no fun to shovel. Only good thing about shoveling is you get a good workout depending on the snow.

  I am bummed out by the snow today though. Snow days never bummed me out before..I started substitute teaching and if we have a snow day..I do not get paid. Today the school is closed and they do not need me. I am out of $80. I knew going into this that something like this could happen but it REALLY stinks. Ohh well, I have to suck it up.

  As for my new substitute teaching job, I love it. I love going to all these different schools and meet new people. Every day is a different experience and I really enjoy that. I have taught 1st and 2nd graders, middle school, high school, my old preschool class, and a behavioral room. I really enjoy it.

 The really cool thing about this job is I get to dress up and look fancy. I do not wear my over sized clothing like I did when I was a 1:1. I actually feel confident when I get all dressed up and walk into these schools. I also notice the kids respect me more when I am dressed up. 

  The great about this job is that it is longer hours. I am barely home and that means less time to snack. I like that I am not eating as much as I used to.

  Another great thing is how much moving and walking around I do. I wish I had a Fitbit to count my steps. Yes, you heard me correctly! I actually walk around and make sure the students are doing their work. I do not sit at the desk with a book in my hand and let the kids do whatever. That is not how I role. Since that is not how o role, I am walking around all over the place. It is great.

 The only time you will see a book in my hand is when a school screws up due to testing and do not need you until 6th pd.. 

  Since Christmas holiday I have lost 7 pounds. This is great but I am not close to where I used to be. Maybe being 168 lbs is the weight I should be? I mean I would love to go back to 152 lbs but I have not been that weight since 2013. It is so damn hard to be that weight!

 Also, I think I have gained muscle. I do a lot of insanity classes and weight training. I am not a personal trainer or specialist so I could be talking out of my butt.

  I am not upset by my weight right now. I am so used to being the same weight on the scale the last couple of months that it seems to not bother me anymore. I also wonder if it has been the same so long that I have accepted it now. Who knows?

 I just want spring and summer so I can wear short sleeves, shorts, and bathing suits so I can show off my progress. I always feel sweaters make me look bigger then I really am. Who knows though..


Transformation Tuesday: A Picture That Shocked Me

  When going on FB you always forget the past. It is hard to do when the only thing you see on your timeline is things happening in the now. One day during the weekend I grew bored and decided to look at pictures from my past. When looking through these pictures it was of times when I was younger and doing more with my friends. Only problem is it was when ai was over 230 lbs.

 When I found this before picture of me I was shocked. I did not even recognize the person in the first picture. I could not believe the structure of my face and truly how big I was. Granted, I was still a wonderful person and I was still beautiful. I am just shocked.

 Sometimes a shocking picture like this can really motivate you to say you have worked so hard. A picture like this reminds you to keep going. I should look at FB more often.