Today I woke up with with motivation to work my butt off at the gym. I know I have been a Debbie Downer lately but this week has been pretty okay with eating right and working out. I have gone back to writing down EVERYTHING I eat even if I do go over Weight Watcher points. Also, I have been drinking so much water it is like it is going away forever. My workouts are also cranked up a notch due to me being comfortable with them. I need to get used to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I love the stair machine at my gym. It is as if I am climbing up actual stairs and I love it. It is an amazing work out too. It is the only machine where I am sweating like crazy. I do not recommend using this machine as long as I did if you never used it before.
I love working out. Now I have to stop my love for snacking now.
The reason I have not been posting is for two reasons. 1.) Graduate school is taking over my life. I am always reading, writing, and researching. It is consuming everything out of me. But mostly 2.) I am me embarrassed to write anything. 152 lbs? That is a lie. How about we try when I weighed myself the start of the month and it said I was 168 lbs.
I am so upset with my self. I am embarrassed to even have a weight loss blog. I feel that I have become out of control with my eating and I can not stop it. I find myself snacking like crazy and eating when I am not hungry. I find myself not writing what I am not eating and just not caring. I do care but my thoughts have gone back to my old ways. I am heavier now then when I met Bob Harper. I am so upset with myself.
This is such a huge struggle for me and I guess this journey will always be. I always feel guilty after I eat something now. I work my ass off at the gym but then I ruin if later. I feel like I am a disappointment. I feel like my clothes do not fit. I feel all this negative energy and stress and I am really sorry. I think I will not post for a while..Not until I get my act together. I am so upset with myself.
This picture shows a couple of things. 1.) How much I have grown over the years. 2.) A weight loss journey does not happen over night. 3.) I have found a love for makeup. And 4.) Should I wear glasses or not?
I used to hate taking pictures of my self in the past. Now if the camera pulls out I love getting my picture taken. I have a huge new self confidence for my self.
This topic is rather upsetting to me. Reading all these comments on negativity on a woman who is my age and how people are saying she is too skinny. People are claiming Bob and Jillian threw Dolvett under the bus. Let us all take a breather people.
I do agree Rachel looks very skinny but wouldn’t you do the same thing if you could win $250,000? I sure would. She was a fighter through the whole season and she was up two guys who throw down huge numbers of weight loss. I would do the same too! I understand that going through great lengths to win money like that can be silly but I understand what she did and why.
My two cents on the matter is muscle is important. She looks like she has none. Why? Muscle gains weight and then she would lose. I think the show should try to take it to another direction with the idea of gaining muscle but this is the first season where this has happened. This season the people were huge fighter for that second chance and that is why they were losing so much weight and so fast. She has no muscle but muscle makes you gain weight.
Also, poor thing. People are telling her she is TOO skinny now when people most likely told her she was too fat. Here is the thing, people are always going black lash and say comments about your weight. At 152 lbs I was told I am too skinny and need to stop losing weight. It is my body though and I feel I want to lose more. This is Rachel’s body and she wanted to win the show. She did what she had too. Also, her body image is so shocking because last weeks episode is filmed either August or September. She had many months to change her appearance to 105 lb.
So those are my thoughts. I am sad about the comments by people. I am sad by the he said and she said. The show is about losing weight at huge amounts for money. We all would have done what she did. I am not saying she was right but I see where she is coming from. The show may need to look into a new direction.
Here is a quick post for everyone. I bet I look heavier then I really am in the before due to my posture and oversized shirt. Clothes shopping was so tough when I was heavier. I am 5’1 and everyone thinks all plus size is really tall. I do not have this problem anymore of course. These pictures amazes me how far I have come.
Since it is snowing..again..I did not go to the gym today. I decided to pop in one of my Bob Harper work out DVDs. I have not done one of his workouts in such a long time and I forgot how much I love them. I never sweat as much as I do when I do one of his workouts. Also, I feel so sore but satisfied after one of his workouts. I love it.
If you live under a rock or if you are new to my blog, I am in love with Bob Harper. I think Bob Harper is a great inspiration and his DVDs and books are great. Most people know him from the Biggest Loser but I was into him due to his workout DVDs first. I did start with the Biggest Loser workouts before I even watched one episode. ( FYI..Do not forget to watch the final episode of the Biggest Loser this week. I am super excited to see who wins this season! The episode is tomorrow!) I could not get enough of Bob Harper. I love reading his books because they help me put my mind in check.
I really think Bob Harper is the reason I have lost weight. Yes, my Mom did a huge amount of this due to our eating habits but she was not the one to push me into working out. Without working out I would have not lost 80lbs. Bob Harper did save my life.
I did meet Bob Harper last April on The Rachael Ray Show when I lost 60 lbs. I was so star struck and so unsure with what was going on I was so silent and so nervous. I sort of regret this because I really did not talk to him. I was a stupid fan girl. Now I have lost 80 lbs and I have learned from Bob Harper that skinny is not everything and I rather be strong. A big dream of mine is to try Crossfit but it is too expensive. I try some of the Crossfit exercises that he posts on his Instagram but I could never afford to join a place that does Crossfit.
If I ever meet Bob Harper again I hope it is not in a dress but in work out gear. It would be awesome to work out with him. It would be AMAZING to take on of his spin classes but to try out Crossfit would be awesome. I can not complain though. I am humble I met one of the inspirations for my weight loss journey. I will continue to buy his DVDs and read his books. I love Bob Harper <3 <3
I have been very stressed out lately. It is rather sad because I just went back to school two weeks ago and I am about to throw myself off a bridge. Not really but I am just saying. If no one knows, I am a graduate student at Monmouth University. I live an hour and a half away from the school and I commute two days a week. I am studying English with a concentration in literature. I wish to teach at the college level someday but we shall see. I am currently working on my thesis. I am only on the thesis development stage and I already have a headache. What does this have to do with anything about this blog?
Stress creates negative thoughts..negative thoughts creates old habits..old habits creates lazy Jackie. I have not been working out like I have been these last two weeks and my eating habits are out of control. I am highly upset because I thought working out was a way to get away from my stress. Well, I learned from this experience that I have not been this stressed out since my weight loss journey has started. It is amazing how the negative thoughts come back to my head. I thought I was pass them but they still linger in the back of your head. So strange.
What do you all do to get away from stress? What do you do? Some people tell me to do something artistic but the problem is I have no time. I should not even be writing on here because I have so much homework! I feel my job is a way to get away from stress sometimes even if my job can be stressful. I work with children who have special needs. Yesterday I pulled a child on a scooter with a hula hop and forgot all about my thesis for that half hour. Anyway, what do you all do to get away from stress? How do you get those negative thoughts out of your head? I am very interested in hearing your thoughts.